


The Adventures of Dating Michael Mell

by mthevlamister



Series: SQUIP Squad™ [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ? - Freeform, A nice little ship, Can be read on its own, Gay, I don't know, If I get requests I'll add more, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Prequel to SQUIP Tips, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael, but they kind of follow a plot, hmmmm, how to tag, weeeeee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-12-26 06:16:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12053067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthevlamister/pseuds/mthevlamister
Summary: Jakey_D: we fucked up majorly.Or:How to ask out Michael.





	1. How Rich and Jake began to date Michael Mell

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter takes place pre-breaking up with Christine

There were some perks to having Jeremy take the SQUIPs, one of them was Michael being invited to sit with the 'cool' kids. Because of the kind person she was, Christine always tried to include Michael in their conversations. Michael would mostly stay quiet, if it was something he'd have to answer he'd shrug or let Jeremy answer for him. He wasn't really a talker to the squad. Michael Mell was known for being loud, it was kind of concerning for the Squad. Jeremy told them Michael was a chatterbox, he could talk about anything, he was friendly.

Jeremy didn't know Michael was scared he'd say something uncool.

Michael was doing very well with not talking, but that ended one night when Michael had a bad night.

**Player_One sent a message to PitifulChildren!**

**Player_One: Jeremy**

**Player_One: Come over. Now.**

**Jenna_Cakes: Michael you texted the groupchat.**

**Player_One: I know, trust me, someone**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: that someone was Michael.**

**Player_One: someone sent a script of a movie**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: it was the bee movie script.**

**Player_One: and our chat crashed.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: I can't Michael, Dad wants to have a real dinner. You okay?**

**Jakey_D: Michael I'm coming over.**

**Player_One: I'm fine.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: Jakey-D, pick me up on the way.**

**Player_One: I changed my mind I'm fine.**

**Jakey_D: too late.**

* * *

"Hey, Michael open up." Jake knocked on Michael's door. "Michael!"

"Jake, you're being too aggrethive. You gotta be nither, let me." Rich knocked. "Michael, we're here. Jeremy told uth to bring tamponth? Don't know why but he told uth to tho we have tamponth."

"Just open the door please." Jake leaned his head on the door. He pulled back his head back when he heard the door unlock. It opened to show Michael Mell, in all his binder-and-boxer-wearing glory. "Uh, Michael?"

"I swear I would let Jeremy take me if he wasn't with Christine." Michael eyed Rich who was smiling and holding the box of tampons. "You'll do." 

"What?" Rich asked, smile not faltering. 

"Thank you, I'm having a bad day--well, bad week. You probably don't understand, you're allowed in. I'm home alone, have fun." Michael wasn't making sense, he was nervous. He was very, very nervous, actually. Michael stepped back before walking into the kitchen, stirring a bowl of peanut butter brownie mix. "I'm sorry, I'm a mess right now."

"Want to talk?" Jake asked, walking over. 

"I'm having my period." Michael whispered. "I hate having my period, I'm craving food and warm blankets and I need to cuddle with someone." Michael kept stirring the brownie mix before putting half of it in a pan. He jumped when he felt arms wrap around him. "What the hell?!"

"You said cuddle, I'm cuddling." Jake whispered to Michael, rubbing Michael's arms. "Now I'm simply making you warm."

"Are we cuddling?!" Rich asked, jumping over the counter and hugging the two others. "I love cuddling! It ith the greatetht!"

"Oh." Michael could only spare that word. It was a shame really, the two coolest guys in the school were hugging him and he could only say 'oh'. 

"Tell us if you want us to get off, okay?" Jake whispered again. 

"I-I need to put the brownies in the oven, I'm really craving junk food." Michael babbled, squirming away. He had a major crush on them for about two months now, it was definitely awkward for him. "So, um, yeah."

"Well it'th a wonderful Friday night Michael, Jake and I are free all weekend if you need uth to thtay." Rich put a hand on Michael's arm.

"I'm going to be playing video games and singing to musicals or music obnoxiously. You're going to hate me by the end of an hour, it's bound to happen. I also dip my brownies in the leftover mix, because I can." Michael opened the fridge, grabbing a Vault. "Fuck me up."

"Dude you have so many sodas that no one drinks. Vault? Dude that's--oh my god you have Hubba Bubba Soda!" Jake snickered. 

"You want it? It's hideous but I drink it because I can." Michael pulled a can out, handing it to Jake. "Richard, you want anything?"

"Hit me up with the grape thlithe thoda." Rich said, bouncing on his toes. 

"You heathen, you like the grape kind?" Michael passed him the soda. He closed the fridge door, moving to lean against his counter. 

"Grape ith wonderful, fight me Mell." Rich pushed him. "I want to watch you play video gameth. Jeremy thaid you were great at gaming when you were conthentrated."

"No he said Michael was cu--oh. No, no he said great." Jake stopped himself. Michael wasn't the only one with an insane crush, Jake and Rich used to gossip about small cute things Michael did when they hung out. They were like stereotypical teenegers, freaking out over their crushes whilst eating ice cream or sometimes looking at his photo in yearbooks. Jeremy discovered their little crush and told them how to get Michael in his cutest states; one way happened to be when Michael was very into a video game. "I was thinking of something Chloe said, sorry. You should play, we'll watch." 

"Whatever you say, but I'm waiting for the brownies to be done so I can bring them down to my basement." Michael mumbled. "So, uh, I don't know what to talk about. Do you two have any ideas on what to talk about?"

* * *

They talked about living alone. Rich's dad seemed to be at bars more often than home, Jake's parents were still gone, Michael had no idea where his parents ran off to. It was something they could all connect to. By the time they all finished sharing and talking the brownies were done (thankfully, Michael got worried he'd start crying.) Jake helped cut them and plate them. "Um, so you dip them in leftover batter?" Jake asked, pulling it out of the fridge. Michael was slowly getting used to their company, nodding. "Why don't we just drizzle the batter on--"

"Marry me. I love you. You're a genius, god I need you in my life Jake." Michael was looking at Jake like he was a walking version of Mountain Dew Red. "Remind me to ask you to prom when the time comes." 

"Uh. . ." 

"It's a joke, Dillinger. Everyone knows you're off limits, Richard has you covered." Michael poked Jake, taking the batter and pouring it on the brownies. "Yes," Michael whispered. "I enjoy watching you drown in what you used to be. Drown brownies, drown!"

"Homithidal much?" Rich asked. 

"Very, my dear Richard. I always feel homicidal during my period because half of me wants to rip out my uterus and the other half wants to get a surgery I can't afford." Michael put the bowl down, looking at them. "Should I?"

"Yeth."

"Should you what?"

"Yeth!"

"Richie what are you telling him to do?!" 

"I'm licking the bowl."

"I'm going to help our dear Michael lick the bowl." 

Jake stared at his boyfriend and their crush grab spoons. "Want one, Dillinger?" Michael asked, waiting for an answer. Jake nodded slowly, allowing Michael to slide him a spoon. They all scooped the remaining batter and ate it before retreating to the basement. Michael sat on the floor, grabbing his remote and turning on the TV. Rich and Jake sat on a couch behind Michael. Rich propped his head on Jake's shoulder, watching the game turn on. Michael grabbed a brownie, stuffing it in his mouth before grabbing his controller and picking his character. Jake shared a look with Rich, they could ask Michael out then. He was flirting enough for them to do it, he would probably say yes. Rich opened his mouth, but he was cut off by Michael. "Look, I'm really happy you two came over when Jer couldn't, but why?"

"Why what?" Jake asked. 

"Why come hang out with some guy you hate?" Michael answered. "I know you hate me, you both made it clear enough for the past couple years."

"To be fair I had a THQUIP that would hurt me if I didn't bully you." Rich replied. "I think you're a great guy, Michael."

"I. . . I was a dick. I felt the need to be popular and bullying you helped." Jake whispered. "I'm sorry. I'd like to start over, only if you'd allow me."

"You're forgiven, trust me. I just want to know why you're here. I'm not popular or whatever you two are, I'm pretty sure even Jeremy hates me. I'm not the most likable person and I'm definitely a loser."

"Michael--"

"I wouldn't want to be my friend either, but I'm glad you came. I'm scared of what I'd do if no one came, I'm not exactly stable right now. Anxiety is truly a bitch, right?" Michael let out a small laugh. "Along with dysphoria, that makes it worse let me tell you. Speaking of dysphoria, I'm not supposed to have this on for much longer. Can, um, can you two turn around for a second?"

"Oh, yeah totally." Jake turned his head, Rich following suit. There was a sound of clothing rustling and cursing before the sound of Michael standing up. Jake, being the teenage male he was, sneaked a peek at Michael without him knowing. 

Still a handsome man.

"Okay, you can turn back. My hoodie is on and everything is alright." Michael said, sitting back down. He picked up his controller, going back to playing after grabbing another brownie. He ate it quickly, soaring through the level. The rest of the time was quiet, Jake and Rich observing (and enjoying) Michael with a serious face, tongue slightly out, stuffing his face. Rich moved to lay his head on Jake's lap, staring at the game and glancing at Michael every now and then. Jake pretended to watch the game but kept one eye on Michael the whole time. At some point the other two boys began to eat and play games with Michael. The flirts and anxiety had been forgotten, the only thing making them excited or upset were blue shells shooting them out of first place.

* * *

"Michael!" 

"Jeremy, my buddy!"

"Did. . . Jake and Rich stay over night?" 

The next day Jeremy came over, barging right in without a care in the world. Jake and Rich woke up when there was steps running around upstairs. Michael was already awake, playing a game on mute. "Yeah they did, what's up?"

"Did Rich give you the tampons?"

"Yeah he did, how was your family day?" 

"Ugh!" Jeremy plopped down on Michael's lap, laying back. 

"Dude this is gay." Michael whispered. 

"Let me cuddle my best friend while I tell him the tragic tale of my father asking what a dab is. It was terrible, I hate everything, but I brought you a gift. I present to you a pacman pillow, it has a heater inside of it." Jeremy held up a small pillow. 

"I love you." Michael grabbed it, pushing Jeremy off of him and hugging the pillow. "Yesssss."

"Hi Jeremy." Jake mumbled, sitting up. 

"Hello." Rich yawned. 

"Good morning you two, more importantly how are you doing Michael?" Jeremy asked. 

"I feel like a Maria, not a Michael. I can't wait for this to end, I hate this so much Jeremy! I need birth control so it will stop or do it less!" Michael whined, covering his face. "I feel like I'm not a guy--"

"Hey! Hey, shut up." Jeremy said. "You're so manly you'd probably punch a SQUIP in the face!"

Ah the irony.

"I would totally punch one in the face." Michael said. 

"Now, are they any leftover, probably stale, brownies?"

"Yep, want to see what happens if we heat them up?" 

"YETH!" Rich snuck back into the conversation. "Let'th do it!"

"I'm in." Jeremy said. 

All three looked at Jake, who sighed. "I'm game."

"YES!" Michael cheered, grabbing the plate and running upstairs.

"Did you confess last night?" Jeremy asked the other two boys. 

"No, we were going to but Michael theemed to think we hated him, tho we have to do it another time."

"He may not even want to date us." Jake said softly. 

"Oh he does, just know if you don't treat him right I will find something to do, I don't know what yet but I will." 

Michael walked down, stopping halfway down the stairs. "Guys? Are you coming--oh, no bad memories from those words."

"On our way up now!" Jeremy replied, standing up and running up to catch Michael. "Can I tell you about Christine's new part in the play?"

"Lay it on me."

* * *

"Michael? Can I athk you thomething?" Rich asked Michael during lunch on Monday. The only people at the table at the moment were Rich and Michael.

"Go ahead, Richard." Michael replied, picking up a piece of sushi. 

"Will you go on a date with me and Jake?" 

"Um, is Jake okay with this?" Michael asked. 

"Yeth, he and I have dithcuthed thith for awhile now." 

"Then sure, I'll go on a date with you two. I've wanted to for awhile, actually."

"We've wanted you to, too." Rich sighed, leaning on his hand. 

"This isn't a joke, right?"

"No Michael, we want to date you."

"Understood, then I will gladly go on a date with you two." 

* * *

"I athked him out! I did it Jakey-D!"

"He said yes?!" Jake whispered.

"Yeth!" Rich answered, letting out a small laugh of victory. Jake joined in, laughing with relief.

Michael, who was passing their location, heard the laughter and assumed it was a joke.

It was always a joke.

* * *

"I heard him laughing, Jeremy! They don't mean it, why would they?" Michael sat in Jeremy's room, hugging himself. "They probably will tell the school that they went on a date with loser Michael Mell! They did it and now we all laugh at Michael for thinking anyone would ever love him!"

"Michael, I doubt that's--"

"Why would they laugh Jeremy?!" 

Jeremy stayed quiet, pulling out his phone.

**He's_Heere_and_Queer sent a message to SQUIPedKids!**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: Jake Dillinger and Rich Goranski I hope you're proud of yourselves.**

**Jakey_D: I mean, I'm proud of Richie. He did all the work.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: pretty proud of myself.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: yeah, now Michael will never trust any of our friends.**

**Jenna_Cakes: What??? What happened???**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: yeah, what happened?**

**Brooking_It_To_Class: Is Michael okay?**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: no. He's in a pool of tears and hating himself because two idiots started laughing after asking him out.**

**Canigulove: Jake and Rich! What is wrong with you?!**

**Short_and_Bisexual: wait no.**

**Jakey_D: no no no! He's got it wrong!**

**Valentine's_Day: explain.**

**Valentine's_Day: that's low Jake.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: we were laughing with relief because he said yes! We promise!**

**Jenna_Cakes: Michael has social anxiety guys, plus being trans he probably thinks you're making fun of him or pitying him.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: how'd you know he was trans?**

**Jenna_Cakes: He and I talk a lot, it's not a secret. He told me I could tell you all but I mean**

**Jenna_Cakes: I thought you all knew?**

**Short_and_Bisexual: Jeremy tell him to check his phone I'm texting him.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: shit shit shit he has anxiety and we laughed.**

"Rich wants you to check your phone Michael." Jeremy said softly.

"Ha! No way, not now. I don't want to, I'm scared Jeremy. I'm really, really scared; what if it is a joke? He wouldn't tell you, you're my friend--unless you hate me too!" Michael let out a small laugh. "You probably--"

"Michael, you're my favorite person." 

"You're mine too."

Jeremy opened messages again. 

**Canigulove: Jeremy??**

**Canigulove: is Michael okay??**

**Brooking_It_To_Class: Jeremy, is he okay?**

**Jakey_D: should I come over?**

**Short_and_Bisexual: we're on our way over.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: don't come.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: why not?**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: because now he's questioning if I love him, just leave him alone for awhile.**

**Jakey_D: we fucked up majorly.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: yeah.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: yes you did.**

* * *

It took awhile for Michael to check his phone, it was his anxiety speaking and he knew it. He waited until he was home, by himself, soda at hand. Checking his phone allowed an ambush of texts. 

**Jenna_Cakes: They didn't mean it Michael, we love you!**

**Short_and_Bisexual: Michael, hey I'm sorry. We weren't laughing at you, we've been planning this for awhile and we were relieved.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: Jake and I want to take you to lunch as an apology.**

**Jakey_D: we're sorry.**

**Short_and_Bisexual made a group!**

**Short_and_Bisexual added Player_One and Jakey_D to the group!**

**Short_and_Bisexual named the group ThreeBoyfriendsBeingGay!**

**Jakey_D: Richie not now Michael is mad at us.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: I know I just need this chat for when we apologize.**

**Player_One: you two don't need to buy me lunch**

**Player_One: I'm overdramatic**

**Player_One: I'm sorry.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: yaaaaayyy he talks to us :3**

**Player_One: Yes he does :)**

**Short_and_Bisexual: :3**

**Player_One: :)**

**Jakey_D: oh god stop with the faces**

**Player_One: :) :) :) :)**

**Short_and_Bisexual: :3 :3 :3 :3**

**Jakey_D :( :( :( :(**

**Player_One has changed the group's name to :)!**

**Jakey_D: that's it, I'm filing for a divorce.**

**Player_One: ;~;**

**Jakey_D: I take it back, I'm marrying you because you're adorable.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: <3 marry me toooooooo!**

**Jakey_D: okay.**

* * *

"I can't believe we paid money to watch that." Jake grumbled, walking out of the theater with his boyfriends. 

"I told you it wasn't going to be good, but nooo! Let's watch the new Mummy movie, come on it can't be that bad Michael. You're just a sucker for the original, Michael. It sucked, didn't it?" Michael raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeth, it did. Wortht firtht date ever, we're tho thorry Michael." Rich burned with shame.

"I had fun." Michael assured. "I had a lot of fun, because I was watching with you two."

"That'th really gay." 

"It is gay, Michael."

"Let me just dye my hair rainbow so I can be confirmed gay." 

"Weirdo." Rich mumbled, grabbing Michael's arm. Jake, being the sly guy he was, put his hand in Michael's back pocket. "Jakey-D, even I can tell that'th thtereotypical."

"I know, I just like Michael's ass." 

"Thanks, I put a lot of work in sitting on it." Michael grinned while talking. 

"Well, now we've been on a date. What did you think we were going to do? Tell everyone we went on a date with you?" Jake asked. "Here, I'll tell them. Say hello to Snapchat my dear boyfriends, watch as I take a picture of us." 

"No! I look weird!" Michael covered his face as soon as Jake clicked on the button, his thumb didn't leave meaning he was taking a video. Michael slowly lowered his hands before hiding in them again. "You're the worst Jake!"

"I have two boyfriends, Richie and Mikey! Fucking fight me world!" 

"You're totally weird Jakey-D." Rich mumbled while trying to lower Michael's hands.

Yeah, Michael was definitely a perk.


	2. SQUIPing Michael Mell

"I'm going to do this, okay I'm doing this." Michael looked at the pill in his hand. He could be chill, he wanted to be chill, he needed to be chill. He was dating Jake Dillinger and Richard Goranski; one day they'll wake up and realize he wasn't cool. He put it in his mouth, taking a swing of Mountain Dew. 

Hopefully it would work.

* * *

_First thing's first, new clothes._

'Got it.' Michael thought, searching through his father's closet. He grabbed clothes his SQUIP liked. 'I love how you're Bob Marley.'

_I knew you prefer this person, now grab the clothes._

It was stupid. It was some Grateful Dead shirt, skinny jeans, weird sneakers. 

He hated it, but he'd be cooler. 

_Okay, good. Now get dressed and go to the mall, we need new clothes._

'Understood.' 

* * *

"Michael?" Jeremy was with the SQUIP Squad™, without Michael. When Michael walked in and saw them they looked away. It hurt a lot, finally Jeremy spoke to him. Jeremy stared at his best friend, he wasn't wearing his normal clothes. It wasn't his best friend, there was something wrong and Jeremy knew it. "Michael what's up with your outfit?" 

_Tell him you found it in your closet, the very back._

"Out of clean clothes, I dug in the back of my closet to find this stuff. Does it look alright?" 

_Don't show fear, be dominant._

"I think I look sexy as hell." Michael grinned. 

"Well, yeah of course." Jeremy smiled.

_Keep moving._

'I want to know why they came here without me!'

_Keep. Moving._

"I have to go." Michael said, flashing a grin at the table. Jake looked away, that stung even more. "See you at school, whatever." Michael turned, leaving quickly. 'Okay now where, oh powerful SQUIP of mine.'

_That was the opposite of cool. Go to H &M or anywhere that's not Hot Topic._

'Alright.'

Michael went to every store the SQUIP dubbed chill, grabbing clothes it suggested. It was bands he didn't even know, stupid rappers and pop groups, all skinny jeans. He missed his hoodie, it was soft and nice and warm. He bought all the clothes and went to another store. 

_Get earbuds, no one uses headphones._

'They irrate my ears!'

_Just buy them Michael! You want to be cool for Jake and Rich, right?_

'Yes.'

_Then do as I say._

"Michael? Are you buying earbuds?!" Michael heard Chloe's voice from his right. He was grabbing the earbuds when she spoke, flinching.

_Don't flinch. Say your headphones broke, that the other ones are too expensive right now._

"Yeah, my old headphones broke and these are cheaper." Michael shrugged, walking to the register. 

"I could buy you headphones!"

"Nah, I'm fine." Michael flashed another grin, hoping she'd leave him alone.

_You can ask._

"What are you all doing at the mall?" 

"Well we came to talk about the SQUIP and since you never had one we thought we didn't want to bother you." Chloe answered, smiling back at him. It was obviously a lie, she kept glancing away. She was stalling him, it was really really obvious.

_Leave._

"Makes sense, listen I have to go. I have to go home, I have homework that's due tomorrow." Michael said, taking his receipt. 

"Want to grab frozen yogurt?"

_No._

"No." 

Chloe knew something was up when Michael left.

* * *

"Michael what are you wearing?" Jeremy asked his best friend at school. Michael was wearing something that wasn't right, it didn't fit. "Where's your hoodie?"

"Dirty, I didn't get to do laundry last night." Michael answered.

"And. . . Are those earbuds?!"

_Tell him what you told Chloe._

"My headphones broke, man. These were cheaper so I bought them."

"Whatever you say, hey about yesterday--"

"Drop it." Michael said cooly. "I don't mind, you guys have your own thing. That's why we have two different chats, one for kids who were SQUIPed and one with me."

"Michael. . ."

_Leave now._

"I have to go, okay Jeremy?"

"Okay." Jeremy sounded defeated. Michael walked past him, going to class. 

**He's_Heere_and_Queer is typing to SQUIPedKids. . .**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: is Michael acting different to anyone?**

**Short_and_Bisexual: is he wearing earbuds? Since when does he listen to Logic?**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: he doesn't**

**Jenna_Cakes: He's not wearing his hoodie.**

**Jakey_D: do you think he took a SQUIP?**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: no**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: he wants to punch one, remember?**

**Valentine's_Day: but he's not acting like Michael**

**Canigulove: he's having an off day! Maybe it's a prank guys! Have more faith in him!**

**Jakey_D: okay**

* * *

_Don't bother staying after school, they'll find out about me. Go straight home, okay?_

'Jeremy always catches a ride with me.'

_He can walk._

"Michael! Hey!" Rich ran up to Michael. "Wanna hang out? We can play video gameth!" 

_Tell him no, but you will make out with him._

'I haven't even kissed him!'

_Make out with him._

"How about we just head somewhere in the school and get more acquainted." Michael practically purred.

_Grab his waist._

Michael did as the SQUIP said. Rich got flustered but nodded, grabbing Michael's hand and pulling him to a storage closet.

Rich still knew something was up.

* * *

**Short_and_Bisexual: guys??**

**Short_and_Bisexual: Michael turned down video games to make out**

**Jakey_D: well now I wish I was there**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: Jake no**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: Michael would NEVER turn down video games**

**Brooking_It_To_Class: I'm worried about him.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: the SQUIP wouldn't let me play video games**

**Jakey_D: he took it, right? We can confirm now.**

**Canigulove: he might not have?**

**Canigulove: give him a day, we did lie about being at the mall.**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: I hope he gets over it, I feel bad we lied**

**Short_and_Bisexual: he can't know we bought him a life sized pac-man ghost!!!!!!**

**Jakey_D: hopefully he'll start liking video games again**

* * *

_They know._

'What?!'

_They know. Break up with Jake and Rich._

'But I--'

_Now. Dustin is cooler and he's into you._

'I can't!'

Michael didn't hear anything, it was calm until he slapped himself in the face. 

'WHAT WAS THAT?!'

_I took over your body, do as I say Michael._

Michael took a deep breath, walking to his friends. Jake grinned and god did that grin make him melt. "Um, hey. We need to break up."

"What?" Jake was sure he didn't hear Michael correctly.

"We need to break up." Michael repeated, glancing at his SQUIP. It nodded, smiling a glitched smile. "I'm really into someone else, Dustin has really been--"

Michael felt stinging on his face, Jeremy was standing in front of him, hand still in the air having slapped Michael. "I tried to defend you, I tried to say you were upset, I tried Michael! Where's the SQUIP?! Let me get rid of it! You wouldn't want to do this!"

_Tell him why you took me Michael._

"Okay Jeremy, I have a SQUIP. I have one, I'm so powerful and it's great! No I don't want to break it off with Richard or Jake, but if that means I can be better I'll do it! I will be amazing, I can do so many things now! You know the best part Jeremy?!"

"What Michael?!"

"I don't care that my parents left! I'm so happy! I don't hate myself, I don't want to cry, my anxiety is gone Jeremy! Madeline and Dustin love me, they're more popular and they'll help me! I don't have to worry about Jake and Richard breaking up with me if I get it over with now and I date Dustin Kropp." Michael hissed out. "Guess what? I'm finally happy."

"Why don't we make you happy?!"

"I'm not happy being a loser." Michael pushed Jeremy against the lunch table, glaring. It was too much alike Jake's party, Jeremy looked like he was going to cry, he was against the table and the two didn't look away from each other. "I want to be happy Jeremy, as my best friend I thought you'd understand."

"M-Michael c-come on, we're dating!" Rich stammered, looking at the boy who cried three months ago. "What'th the deal?"

_Don't answer, you need to upgrade. You could turn--_

'I don't want optic nerve blocking yet.'

_Then leave._

Michael truly hated himself.

* * *

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: I'm forcing him to drink it.**

**Canigulove: Rich? You okay? Jake?**

**Jakey_D: I haven't cried in a while.**

**Jakey_D: today I have cried.**

**Short_and_Bisexual: I'm going to strangle the SQUIP!**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: IM FORCING HIM TO DRINK IT**

**Jenna_Cakes: I'll help**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: Okay, meet me at his house in five.**

* * *

"I messed up with Richard and Jake because if I didn't I'd hurt myself, I can't deal with this I'm turning you off." Michael paced in his room, looking around.

I got rid of all your red.

"Then there's only one way to get rid of you. I kill myself."

* * *

Michael couldn't do it.

He was sitting on his bed with a bottle of pills. His door opened and he didn't even look up. He knew it was the squad, the footsteps stopped.

They saw the pills.

"I am so dumb. A SQUIP can change my life, I'll be happy like this. I'll be happy dating some guy I don't know that well, I should have just stayed a loser. I think it would've been better, right?"

Stop mumbling to yourself.

"I'm not mumbling to myself, I'm monologuing to them."

Don't talk to me out loud!

"Or what? You'll hurt me? Look I'm killing myself one way or another, you making me hurt myself does nothing, stupid Bob Marley."

"Michael put the pills down." Jeremy's voice cut through the air. "Please, come on Player One."

"I don't deserve to be Player One." Michael whispered, unscrewing the cap. 

"Yes you do!" Jeremy insisted, looking around. He grabbed an empty soda can and threw it at Michael. "Dude who else is going to make fun of me watching porn? Jenna?! She can't do that!"

"Jake can, Rich can--"

"Richard." Rich's voice was small. "You're thupothed to call me Richard."

"I was a dick."

"You were, but so were we when we were SQUIPed." Jeremy insisted. 

"I don't need pity--"

Jeremy threw another can, knocking the pills out of Michael's hands. "No pity, only Red. We got some for you right here, now get your butt over here."

"It won't let me move." Michael whispered.

"Fiiiiiiiiinnneee, even when we're fighting I do allll the work!" Jeremy whined, Michael snorted which was good. "Now I have to walk alllllll the way over there and make you drink this!" Michael let out a big 'ha' before covering his mouth. Jeremy grinned and walked over, tipping Michael's head backwards and forcing the drink down his throat. Michael stayed still for a bit before clutching his head, he bit his lip until it was bleeding a lot. "You can scream Michael."

Michael shook his head, taking deep breathes. "I'm not passing out, I'm fine, just a bit of pain."

"Michael--"

"I'm fine Jake." 

"Michael hold my hand." Jake grabbed Michael's hand. "We never truly broke up so it's very, very gay."

Michael let out a soft chuckle.

"Mine too." Rich whined, grabbing Michael's other hand. "We're thtill dating! I'm part of it!"

"I don't deserve you-ow!" Michael squeezed their hands.

It did hurt like a bitch.

* * *

"We'll stay over, talk to him in the morning." Jake assured the squad, holding a sleeping Michael on his back. "He's out cold."

"We got thith." Rich said, grinning.

"Tell him he has to buy me pizza." Jeremy said before leaving with the rest of the group.

Rich and Jake looked at Michael.

They'd wait until he woke up to talk about dating again.


	3. Hating Jeremy Heere

There were some times when Richard Goranski and Jake Dillinger truly hated Jeremy Heere. He dated Michael, at first it was great because Rich was right about something! Yay Rich! Now it was just bad, because they were unphased by each other. Right now Michael and Jake had a little alone time, Rich was busy studying. Jake was under Michael, kissing him and trying to get a bit further. Michael had all clothes off except his boxers, Jake was proud Michael trusted him enough to not wear the binder. Jake ran a hand up Michael's side, grinning until they heard the door open. Jake pulled away quickly, looking to see Jeremy walking to the closet. Michael grinned at Jake, kissing him again. Jake pulled away again, glancing at Jeremy. Michael sighed, kissing his neck. "Just ignore him, he's seen worse."

"Babe, I'm going to enjoy this when he's gone. Jeremy why are you here?!" Jake was going to punch Jeremy.

"I've seen Michael do worse just ignore me, I'm grabbing one of Michael's old skirts." Jeremy waved his hand. 

"I moved them to the second drawer, Jer. Just grab it, I'm scoring man." 

"Yeah, yeah." Jeremy walked over. "Thanks man. Hey remember protection if you get that far."

"Trust me I know." Michael rolled his eyes. 

Jake groaned, hitting his head against Michael's pillows. "Jeremy leave."

"Fine, fine." Jeremy stuck his tongue out, grabbing the skirt and leaving. 

"Now, where were we?" Jake asked, putting a hand under Michael's chin.

"You were about to grope me."

"Ah, yes."

* * *

Rich also hated Jeremy sometimes, he was too nosy and had too many problems. Rich was sitting with Michael in his basement, playing with his hands. They were both high as kites. "Tho I wath thinking about thtarting a garden."

"I'd one hundred percent support you, my little gardener." Michael kissed Rich's head, grinning.

"Thankth babe, now I want to--"

"Michael can we talk?" Jeremy's voice rang through the room.

"Yeah, what's up Jer?" Michael asked, turning to the taller boy.

"Christine and I broke up because I. . ."

"Richard could we have a moment?" Michael asked Rich, he knew it was unfair but Jeremy was breaking down.

"Yeah! I have to help Jakey-D with our hithtory homework." Rich said, smiling and leaving. The walk was long but when Jake opened the door there was a knowing look. "Jeremy ith having breakup blueth."

"Yeah he was having 'I want a skirt' blues a week ago." Jake mumbled, letting Rich in. "Next thing you know Jeremy will have 'I need Michael to date me' blues."

"Don't even joke about that! Michael would agree! He loveth Jeremy too much for hith own good; I'm actually jealouth of Jeremy!"

"I am too, Richie. Want to watch some shitty action movie? We can make some popcorn, grab a forty?" Jake sat on the couch, grinning. Rich sat down, allowing Jake to wrap an arm around him. "Just the movie?" Jake waited until Rich nodded before grabbing a remote and turning on the television. They ended up watching trash television, Rich growing close to the real housewives of New York and Jake preferring Beverly Hills. "I think Michael would like Dallas."

"Um, no. He'd love Orange County." Rich mumbled, leaning closer to Jake. "I want to dethtroy Jeremy, he can only watch Kardathianth becauthe he'th trath like them."

"Of course, but don't tell Michael. He'll break up with us and you know it."

"Yeah, I know."

* * *

They really hated Jeremy.

It was lunch at school, Jeremy was talking to the squad when Michael sat down with his lunch. Jeremy smiled, stopping his conversation. "Hey Michael!"

"Jer, check your phone." Michael whispered, looking down.

Jeremy shrugged, unlocking his phone and taking a sip of his drink. The table watched as Jeremy coughed up his drink, choking. "NO!"

"It would work--"

"NO IT WOULDN'T MICHAEL!"

"What?" Jenna asked, looking over Jeremy's shoulder before covering her mouth. "Michael if anything it'll be worse!"

"I'm just saying, getting pregnant would totally end my periods for a year." Michael shrugged, drinking his slushie. Jake choked on his lunch and Rich dropped his fork. "I never said you two would have to raise the kid."

"Michael that's a terrible idea." Jeremy whispered. "How would you get pregnant?"

"Probably you Jeremy." Chloe said. "I bet Michael would be used to you, seeing as you two used to date."

Michael and Jeremy stayed silent, glancing at each other. Jeremy cleared his throat, looking at Michael. "We're not having a repeat of ninth grade, not now. Michael was so scared, he made me buy him a pregnancy test--"

"Stop!" Michael threw a fry at Jeremy. "I was kidding about getting pregnant, I hate kids! That is a bad memory stop!"

"It's not my fault you missed two periods!"

"Wait, did Michael think he was pregnant? Why?" Jake asked, returning to his food.

"Unprotected thex?" Rich asked, hoping he was wrong.

The silence was the only answer they needed.

"Jeremy, I am going to count to five. By five you either explain yourself or you die." Jake said calmly. "One. . ."

"Jake let's talk this out." Jeremy smiled nervously.

"Two. . ."

"Babe come on." Michael whispered, tugging Jake's arm. Jake looked at Michael, he smiled and kissed Michael's nose.

"Three." Jake whispered, kissing Michael's forehead.

"Michael can I borrow your keys?" Jeremy asked. Michael nodded and tossed his keys to Jeremy, who ran.

"Four and five." Jake stood up before running after Jeremy. "Get back here!"

"Tho, anyway, Michael you're ourth now. Jake ith thuper jealouth, you're our property." Rich said, taking Michael's hand. "You belong to uth."

"I'm totally fine with that, now can we make sure Jake doesn't kill my best friend?" Michael asked, looking at his one boyfriend.

"Thign a contract."

"Deal."

* * *

Jeremy wasn't that bad.

**He's_Heere_and_Queer made a group!**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer added Short_and_Bisexual and Jakey_D to the group!**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer named the group IKnowYouHateMeButHearMeOut!**

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: hey okay so Michael is acting as his five year old self and you need to see**

**Jakey_D: group call.**

_**He's_Heere_and_Queer is calling. . .** _

"Shhh, don't say a word." Jeremy whispered, looking at Rich and Jake. He turned the camera view so it was facing Michael, placing the phone on a table. "Michael what the hell?"

"Dude I'm remembering when I was little, do you remember? You were so weird too! 'I'm Jeremy Heere and I'm the manliest man ever and I will fight dragons! I'm so manly because I draw dinos with rocket lasers!' I wasn't any better, with my 'I'm Maria Mell and I am a beautiful princess, my knight is Jeremy and I love pink and sparkles! I'm so helpless!' I was a mess, man."

"So Jake and Rich are your princes now?" Jeremy asked, he was still off camera.

"Well. . . I think they're more like. . . If Batman and the Joker started dating."

"Michael!" Jeremy hissed.

"Or a Mr. Darcy thing, like I'm still an ass, like Elizabeth. They were asses but they got better, now I'm the judgemental one, you know? Maybe it's not, maybe it's a Grease thing. Maybe I'm supposed to change myself to make them like me more? I have so many doubts, Jer. Like, if I was Maria they'd be prouder of me, right? They act proud--they made me sign a contract to show I was theirs--but what if there's something more I could've been? I'm actually going to cry if I keep talking." Michael was looking at where Jeremy was. "In honor of me not crying I'm going to eat seven eggs, because Mama didn't raise a coward."

"Michael why seven--"

"MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO COWARD!"

Michael left the room, heading off to the kitchen. Jeremy sighed before picking up the phone and hanging up.

**He's_Heere_and_Queer: I'm sorry, he still has a lot of issues.**

* * *

"Jeremy showed you what?!"

"We are proud of you Michael." Rich assured, grabbing Michael's hands. "Very proud to call you our handthome boyfriend!"

"Why would you question it?" Jake asked, crossing his arms. 

"I--um, you see--I mean--" Michael tried to find something to say.

"Well now we HAVE to cuddle you all day!" Rich groaned.

"All night too." Jake wrapped an arm around Michael. "That's right, we're staying over."

"Understood." Michael whispered, sighing when Rich hugged him. He loved cuddling, it was by far his favorite past time.

Jeremy was helpful in some ways.

 

 

 

 


	4. Gaining Crushes

"Jeremy? Are you coming?!" Michael asked, smiling slightly. Jeremy's eyes turned dark, walking the opposite way with no words. "Jeremy? Jeremy come on! Don't ignore me! What about our twelve years?!"

Nothing.

Michael fell to the ground, curling in a ball. "This is all Richard's fault."

"What's my fault, Riends? Want to say that to my face?" 

Michael turned around, looking at the short boy in front of him. Michael sighed and looked down, standing up. "I guess I'm holding Jeremy down."

"Dude don't ignore me." Rich waved a hand.

"I guess it'd be better if I just dropped dead."

"Wow, this kind of sucks being ignored."

"Tell me about it."

Rich looked at Michael, he was in tears. Rich actually. . . felt bad? Michael was a target, yeah, but he looked almost panicked--no, he was panicked. His breathing was shallow, he was scratching his arm, the tears were falling. "What happened? Mell look at me!"

"It's your fault Jeremy got the SQUIP. I can blame you for that, it's not your fault I'm me." Michael whispered. "I'm not cool enough for the popular kids, I knew I was a loser but at least I had someone! You know how great it is to have someone when you're a loser?! It's wonderful!"

"Richie why are you with Riends?" Jake hissed whilst walking over. "What do you want, freak?"

"I know I'm a freak Dillinger!" Michael pushed Jake, glaring. "God why do I even bother talking to you?!" Michael said that to Rich, glaring. "I thought maybe you were going to be nice! Maybe someone would listen, but who cares about Michael Mell?!" 

Jake and Rich watched as Michael left the school, Jake turned to Rich. "He pushed me."

"I saw Jakey-D."

"Dude he's pretty strong."

"Did you feel it?"

"Yeah."

"Want to follow him?"

"You have play practice. Play practice is kind of gay dude."

"I'm pan my dude."

"Ah, well, let me accompany you to practice. Asking Christine out today?"

"Yep."

* * *

 

"Get out of my way loser."

Jeremy pushed Michael to the ground, who stayed there for thirty minutes (he ended up admitting he was on his period to someone) then left. He ran into a fuming Jake Dillinger. "Get out of my way loser--Michael?! Why the fuck are you here?! Why. . . Why are you crying?"

Michael shook his head, covering his face. Chloe was behind Jake, snickering. "Jake come on--"

"No, Chloe go away." Jake waved her off. He grabbed Michael and brought him up to his room. "Michael? Mell look at me." Michael looked up, choking on a sob. "Michael do you need a hug?" Jake waited until Michael nodded, hugging him to his chest.

It was kind of gay, Jake noted how his breath hitched when he hugged Michael. 

It was really gay actually.

Shit, now he had to break up with Chloe again.

"I want my best friend back." Michael sobbed into Jake's jacket. "I want him to play video games with me again, I want him to make dumb jokes with me again, I want him back! I wish I was something more than I am now, how do you do it?! How are you cool Jake?! I don't understand how you do this! You're so cool, like you don't even try. You just walk in a room and everyone likes you, I walk in my home and--oh god I don't even know where my parents are."

"Michael, want to hear a secret?" Jake asked, face slightly pink because 'oh god Michael Mell thinks I'm cool.' Michael nodded. "I don't know where my parents are either. I'm as lost as you, okay?"

Michael smiled. "Your secret is safe with me, Jake Dillinger."

"Now, Michael Mell, let's get you home so you can sleep." Jake helped Michael downstairs, ignoring a whistle and someone saying "Jake slept with a dude!"

Michael flinched at that, though. He mumbled an apology to Jake before leaving the party quickly.

Jake was happy Michael left.

He wasn't sure he'd be able to save both Rich and Michael in the end.

* * *

"Michael? Why are you in my hothpital room?" Rich cringed at the lisp. 

"This unconscious idiot." Michael pointed at Jeremy, sitting next to his bed. "Wait, do you have a--"

"Yeth, leave me alone!"

"It's cute, Richard." Michael smiled. "You've always been cute."

Michael turned away, not seeing Rich mouth 'oh my god' in his direction. Rich felt his heart speed up quickly, holding his hand to his chest. "Tho, um, ith he your boyfriend?"

"Nope! Not anymore, he discovered Christiiiiiiinnnneee." Michael sang out her name, making Rich snort. "Ricchhhhaaarrrdd! Riiiiccchhhaaard! Riccchhhaaard! Richaaaaard Goraaannski--"

"Thtop!" Rich snorted again. His heart was beating a mile a minute--no--it was a mile a second. 

"Mmm, Michael?" Jeremy groaned.

Rich frowned when Michael turned his attention away.

Jeremy Heere took Michael yet again.

* * *

It was a couple weeks before Jake and Rich began to date Michael when Jeremy decided everyone was staying at Michael's house. Michael and Jeremy seemed to have an ultimate bromance that would make Jake, Rich, and Christine have weekly meetups to complain. This was not one of those times, everyone in the squad was invited. The group got there when Michael and Jeremy were humming along to 'meant to be yours' and playing games, unaware their friends came.

"I want to be JD." Michael whispered. "Blow up my school, bam bam bam."

"Dude you saved our school, shut up." Jeremy hissed, attacking Michael's character.

"You'd be first." 

"Hey guys!" Christine walked over, kissing Jeremy's head. 

"Hi babe." Jeremy smiled at her before he heard game over music, meaning Michael won. "GOD DAMMIT MELL!"

"Ha! Suck it!" Michael raised one hand in the air. "As I was saying, my situation would work out if I was JD, slushies, parents aren't around, murder. . . All good things."

"Michael I hate you." Jeremy grumbled, moving over so he and Christine could share a seat. "Welcome to Michael's messy house, he never cleans."

"We know." Jake said, sitting near Michael. Rich nodded, following him. "We've been here a lot."

"I have no need to clean if you guys wouldn't come here all the time." Michael grumbled. "Jeremy didn't even tell me about this until twenty minutes ago, thank goodness he did."

"Michael tore down all baby photos." Jeremy snickered. "All of them, it was hilarious."

"I'm going to burn them!" 

"Where's baby Michael?" Jenna asked, grinning.

"Nah, Michael was never a baby Jenna." Michael turned to her. 

"Ah." Jenna winked. Chloe and Brooke looked confused, tilting their heads. "Well, what did your sister look like?"

"She was beautiful." Jeremy sighed.

"No she wasn't." Michael rolled his eyes.

"She used to chase me on the playground." Jeremy hissed.

"She used to eat all your food." Michael added.

"She made me order pineapple on pizza!"

"And now I do it too!" 

"Can't be friendth with you anymore, pineapple ith a thin." Rich mumbled, making Michael's eyes flash with guilt.

Jeremy noticed, putting a hand on Michael's shoulder. "Since when are you guys friends? Michael has been complaining about you all bothering him, especially Jake and Rich." Jeremy flashed a smile at Michael. "Right, Player One?"

"Totally." Michael kept his eyes locked with Jeremy, Jeremy still loved him. So what if the other people were judgemental? "I'm going to go make myself popcorn."

"Frosting?" Jeremy asked. "Like what kind, strawberry? Vanilla? Chocolate?"

"Strawberry, duh."

"Count me in man."

Jeremy grinned, watching Michael walk away. He looked at Rich and Jake, grin not faltering in the slightest. "You two are so into him, what'd he do?"

"He's perfect." Jake sighed.

"Yep, and hot ath fuck." Rich added.

Both of their hearts pounded to the sound of the paused game.

 

 

 


	5. Prom (I Always Do Prom)

"So, um, who are you going with if you and the SQUIP are a thing?" Michael asked Jeremy whilst walking out of class with him, both boys were nervous about the upcoming event. Jeremy because he was now dating his original SQUIP, Michael because he couldn't dance and he'd embarrass his boyfriends. It was almost like they were ignoring their friends who were behind them, listening to everything they were saying. "I'm planning on just bailing, ya know? Heading to my place and getting stoned in my basement!"

"My SQUIP wants me to go but I'm debating joining you." Jeremy let out a small laugh. "You know? Just two guys hanging out! It'll be great!"

"We have senior prom anyway, after all we're just juniors."

"Of course!"

"Why are you two so nervous?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah, altho, Michael you're not going to prom with uth?!" Rich crossed his arms.

"I was thinking a movie marathon, like the weird kind?"

It became clear it wasn't 'almost like' the two were ignoring their friends, they were.

"Oh, like _Pixels_ weird or _There's_ _Something_ _About_ _Mary_ weird?" Jeremy asked Michael, looking at him.

"Babe, literally right behind you. Why don't you want to go to prom?" Jake asked, trying to get Michael's attention.

"Let's watch both!" Michael grabbed Jeremy's arm. 

"Take me Michael." Jeremy whispered, causing Michael to let go with a big laugh. "You speak to my loser heart in a way--AUGH god dammit--Ow! It was a joke! A joke! Stop shocking me! Jeez, that's almost as bad as the time you thought I was a killer and hit me with your ironer."

"I was straightening my hair naked and you walk in and go 'hey Michael'!" Michael defended himself. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Recognize my voice! Twelve years Michael! It's not like that was the first time I saw you naked!" Jeremy pushed him.

"Guys why are we skipping prom?" Brooke asked. 

"I'm sorry, the sounds of hair dryers along with the sound of my beautiful voice--"

"Michael you were singing badly." Jeremy hissed.

"--is enough to cover up your voice Jeremy--"

"Michael your voice was terrible at that point, you were trying to change from a soprano to a tenor." 

"See this is why I'm now leaving everything to my elephant stuffed animal that I got when I was little!" Michael crossed his arms.

"I wanna see the elephant!" Christine chirped.

"I swear if they keep ignoring us I'm going to scream." Jake grumbled. "Michaeeeel? Hello?"

"Don't thkip prom!"

"Anyway, getting stoned in my basement?" Michael asked Jeremy. 

"Yes, we will be doing this." 

Michael and Jeremy hurried to Michael's car, the group turned to Jenna. "What? Oh, why they aren't going to prom? Michael's saving up for surgery and Jeremy can't go without Michael. I was going to bail and chill with them, get high."

"I'm not going without Michael, bad memorieth." Rich shuddered.

"I know, we'll hang at his place okay?" Jake mumbled, kissing Rich's head.

"Okay."

* * *

Prom night was really interesting, to say the least. Michael was watching a movie with Jeremy when the squad knocked on the door. Jeremy got up, opening it to see all their friends in tuxes and dresses. Meanwhile he was wearing a hoodie and boxers. Michael was in a binder and boxers, joint in mouth. "Um, hey guys."

"We want in on the movieth." Rich ducked under Jeremy's arm to jump over the couch to get to Michael. "Hiiiii!"

"Oh, I was expecting you to break up with me. Welcome to _Pixels_ , the worst movie ever. It was written by Adam Sandler, it's awful." Michael mumbled, stuffing his face full of cereal. 

"Um, no, you belong to me! You thigned a contract, I can't break up with you."

"Hey, he belongs to me too." Jake sat next to them, ignoring Jeremy's whines about sitting there. 

"Why aren't you dancing--Jenna is that a face mask? Gimme!" Michael sat up, holding out his hands. Jenna placed it in his hands, sitting next to him. "I love you all so much."

"This is one hell of a prom." Chloe whispered, taking the joint from Michael's mouth. Jake snorted and went into the kitchen to grab water, planning on getting high later.

"Yeah, it is." Michael mumbled, leaning his head on Rich. "I'm glad you're here."

Rich stiffened but smiled.

He wished he could've said the same about himself.

 


	6. You're What?

"Michael, can I tell you a thecret?"

Michael paused the game, looking at Rich. "Yeah, sure baby what's up?"

Rich winced, he was regretting telling Michael. "I think I'm thuithidal." Michael dropped his controller, his mouth fell open and he was searching for something. Rich held up a hand, waving him off. "You don't have to thay anything, I jutht needed to tell thomeone--"

"Does Jake know?"

"No." 

"Why?"

"I don't want to tell him, he thaved me from my firtht attempt, at hith party. I don't want him to know what I wath trying to do that during hith party, it would make him upthet."

"Of course it would! I'm upset! Richard, why would you--don't answer that, just. . . Just come here." Michael held out a hand, Rich winced. Most times the hand out meant Rich was about to be hit; it must have meant Michael was mad at him. "Richard, I'm not mad at you. I want to kiss your hand and hug you, cuddle you and compliment you, I want to make you feel like the prince you are." Rich looked at Michael, eyes wide. He placed his hand in Michael's, trembling a bit. Michael tugged him closer, putting a hand in his hair. Michael began to hum, running hands through Rich's hair. "My beautiful prince, we're going to tell Michael when we're feeling this, right?"

"Yes." Rich mumbled. 

"Now, tell me everything."

* * *

"I have to tell him?"

"Richard, he's your best friend and boyfriend."

"I don't want to tell him."

"Richard, now."

Rich bit his lip, making Michael pull the lip away from the teeth. Rich shifted in his spot, dialing up his other boyfriend. Michael ran fingers through his hair, complimenting him, saying how lucky he and Jake were that Rich was alive. It took about four rings until Jake picked up. "Hey Richie Rich, what's cooking good looking?"

"Well, you thee, that ith why I called you. I want to kill mythelf."

There was silence for four seconds until Jake spoke again. "Where are you?"

"Michael'th?"

"I'm on my way, don't leave his side until I get there."

"Okay."

* * *

"I tried to kill mythelf during your party, that'th why I tried to burn down the houthe. I'm thorry, I jutht wanted to end it all and my THQUIP wath the perfect reathon, it cheered me on too. I wanted to tho bad, but you thaved me Jakey D, why would you thave me?" Rich was sitting on Michael's lap (Michael said cuddling would release endorphins and help Rich a bit) whilst his feet were in front of Jake. Jake grabbed his legs, placing them on his own lap.

"Well, it should be obvious. It's because even then I loved you, Richie." Jake whispered, rubbing Rich's legs. "I want to do everything in my power to keep you safe, okay? I love you."

"I-I love you both too." Rich didn't want to cry, he really didn't, yet there he was, crying. 

"Shhhhh, shhhhhh." Michael ran a hand down his left arm. "Should we start therapy?"

"Uh uh." Rich shooked his head.

"Hospital?"

"Nope."

"Richard, what should we do?" Michael looked almost desperate for ideas. Rich squirmed, shrugging slightly. 

"Can. . . Can I live with you?" Rich asked. "Jake'th new houthe ith thmall and my dad ith a dick." 

"Yeah, I'll get the spare room ready--" Michael stopped when Rich started to shake. "--I could also get the trundle bed ready, or stay in the spare with you?"

"Thtay in there with me." 

"So you'll keep Richie?" Jake asked, arms crossed. 

"Uh, yeah. I mean if you want to stay too I can stay in the basement and you guys could stay in the spare?" Michael rubbed Rich's side.

"Can't we all stay in one room?" Jake asked. "So Richie has both of us, I mean?"

"Yeah, that'th a good idea." Rich mumbled, grabbing Michael's wrist. "Pleathe Mikey?"

"I have a weak spot for that name, yeah you can stay here. Jeremy comes over a lot, warning you now." Michael teased. "I really think we should start seeing someone, Richard. Just once a month, okay? Or we could get you journals, those help a lot with feelings. You don't want to bottle them up, so tell me and Jake when you feel this way, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"--and so I see my hair is flipping pink and--" Jeremy was telling Michael a story when Rich walked up and tugged Michael's hoodie, as if he was a small child.

"Michael? I'm having a bad day." Rich mumbled, looking down.

"Jer, I gotta go okay? Text me the details, I'll call you later if I can." Michael said, taking Rich's hand and leading him home.

Yes, home.

Rich had a place he could truly call home now.

 

 

 


	7. L'Shanah Tovah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It keeps automatically adding spaces when I post it, it irks me.  
> Happy Rosh Hashanah from this crazy Jew.  
> Love you all, L'Shana Tovah!

Jeremy came over a lot, Michael wasn't lying. There were downsides, of course, like less physical contact but sometimes there were plusses. This was one of those special nights where Jake and Rich were glad Michael was friends with Jeremy.

Jeremy knew embarrassing stories.

"Remember when you confessed to me?"

"Dude I was in tears."

"I know, it was really funny."

"Jer, I. Was. In. Tears."

"I know, Michael, I know. It was really, really funny."

"Why were you in tearth?"

"I was upset and scared."

"It was even better when he got a crush on you, Rich. I didn't even know you in freshman year, but Michael--"

"That's enough!"

"--Jake's was even better--"

"Stop!"

"No, no. Jeremy tell us all three stories."

"Pleathe do."

"Please don't."

"Okay, so--"

* * *

Jeremy was seven when he was in his room and building a lego death star. He was pretty stoked, it was going to be amazing! It was going perfectly fine until his best friend ran through the door.

"I FLIRTED WITH JAKE DILLINGER AT RECESS TODAY!" Maria Mell cried out. "I FLIRTED WITH THE MOST POPULAR BOY IN OUR CLASS!"

* * *

"You were that excited?" Jake asked.

"Jeremy if we're friends you'll shut up." Michael hissed.

"Anyway. . ."

* * *

"You flirted with Jake Dillinger? Maria he won't like you, girls have cooties!" Jeremy said, turning toward his best friend. 

"Then. . . Then I'll pretend to be a guy, yeah!" 'Maria' said, smiling. "Don't you want to know how, Jer?!"

"How'd you flirt?" Jeremy asked.

"He tripped during dodgeball, which was really really funny--"

* * *

"Hey!"

"Oh shut up Jake, it was hilarious."

* * *

"--and I was near him, reading a book, and he sort of fell on my lap right?! Well I said 'oh, I guess you truly fell for me' and he blushed! He got all red and started stammering how he needed to play the game but I should cheer for him and put the book down!"

"Ew, he's popular Maria!" Jeremy made a face. "He hangs out with people who aren't us!"

"I know, I know, I'm giving up this silly crush. I don't want to get my heart broken by some idiot boy, boys are gross."

"Hey!"

"You said I had cooties!"

"Yeah but I didn't mean it!"

* * *

"So you gave up like that?" Jake asked, putting a hand on Michael's thigh. He squeezed it tightly, making Michael squeal. "You could've dated me in grade school! Can you imagine us together in grade school--"

"How did you and Jeremy thtart dating?!" Rich interrupted, bouncing in his seat.

"Well," Jeremy started.

* * *

"Jeremiah?!"

"Jesus Maria, every single time you manage to scare me--oh god you're crying, what happened?!"

A now nine year old Jeremy sat on his bed, his best friend was now sobbing in his room. "Jeremiah I-I have a crush on you!"

"Oh, is that it?"

"YES THAT IS IT YOU IDIOT BOY! ARE YOU GOING TO SAY ANYTHING BACK?!"

"I like like you too." Jeremy stood up, grabbing his friends hands. "I have a huge crush on you."

"We should go on a date!" Jeremy was taken aback as 'Maria' stopped crying instantly, trading it for bouncing. "We can go play video games at my house!"

"We should get ice cream!"

"I've always wanted to try slushies!"

* * *

"You're the reathon thith goof loveth thluthieth?"

"Yeah, sadly me suggesting ice cream started it--oh, when he came out he was still into Jake, he was dating me and he was into Jake." Jeremy let out a snort. "Ohmygosh it was really funny!"

"Please tell."

"Jeremy I swear to AOTD--"

"Okay so!"

* * *

"Ha! Guess what Jeremy!"

"What Maria?"

"I'm Michael!"

"Oh that's--wait what?!"

"Yeah, now Jake Dillinger won't think I'm gross!"

"Maria we're in sixth grade--"

"I'm Michael."

"--Jake will probably like girls."

"I don't care! I'm dating you anyway, so it doesn't matter now does it?!"

"Nah, but I knew you were a boy since forever."

"Shut up!"

* * *

"What about me?" Rich poked Jeremy with his foot. "What about meeeeeee?"

"May I, Michael?" Jeremy looked at Michael, he was hiding in his hoodie. 

"Fine."

* * *

"Okay, so you know Richard?"

"Whom?"

"Richard Goranski?"

"Again, whom--"

"Okay stop stalking Christine to every class!" Jeremy and Michael broke up five months prior to this interaction, still best friends. Michael was looking at Jeremy, almost tired. "Richard Goranski, he's short and he always trips and he has a lisp! A freaking lisp that I love so much!"

"No idea whom that is--"

"You're not even saying whom correctly."

"Yes I am."

"Anyway, back to the point, he's really hot. I want to date him so badly, he's so small and I could put him in one of my hoodies and introduce him to our games!"

"Well, I mean, it's almost summer Michael. Why don't we wait until next year to ask him to hang with us, he'll be busy over the summer."

"Fine."

* * *

"Tho I didn't need the THQUIP?" Rich deadpanned.

"No, we were going to ask you to hang out with us." Jeremy shrugged.

"We wouldn't have Dillinger, though." Michael whispered, taking Jake's hand. "Since he is pressured to be the best we'd be targets."

"I love you." Jake squeezed Michael's hand. "Now, why is Jeremy over again? We could be having some mind blowing--"

"L'Shanah Tovah to you too, Jake." Jeremy rolled his eyes.

"Did you bring me honey cake?" Michael asked, uncovering himself from his hoodie. "Gimme! Gimme now!"

"I brought you some apples and honey too, gefilte fish, matzah ball soup--" Jeremy pulled out a ton of tupperware. 

"GIMME!" Michael dived towards Jeremy.

"Okay, okay. Jeez just come to the dinner with me--"

"THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE SO LATE?! IT'S ONE AM AND YOU CAME BECAUSE--"

"I wanted food, Dillinger. I wanted Jewish food, I really wanted it, and I asked Jeremy for the food." Michael opened one of the dishes, shoveling it in his mouth with his hands. Rich made a face, making Michael stare at him. "Fight me, Richard."

"Babe uthe a fork--"

"NO!" Michael whined. 

It was going to be a good New Year.


	8. How to Date Michael's Boyfriends (Plus How To Surprise Michael)

"Michael?"

"Yes Richard?"

"I want kitheth!"

"Okay."

Michael was sitting on his new bed, Jake and Rich had them all touching by the heads. Jake was out at play practice, there was a weekend practice. It was early morning and Rich was on Michael's lap, wearing his hoodie. Michael was absolutely in love with this look, Rich was looking up at him and god did Michael love those freckles. Michael must've been staring too long because Rich let out a long whine, taking Michael's glasses and putting them on his face. Michael turned bright red before taking multiple pictures, still not kissing his boyfriend. Rich grew tired and started to tug at Michael's shirt. "I will take your clotheth!" Rich undid Michael's pants, hoping it would gain his boyfriend's attention. Spoiler, it didn't. "Michaaaeeeeel! Put your phone awaaaaaaay! I want kitheth!"

"One sec, I want some more pictures. Richard will you do a pouty face for me?" Michael asked, putting a thumb on Rich's cheek. "For me? Please baby?"

Rich pouted, mostly because Michael wasn't kissing him but also because Michael asked. Michael took loads of pictures, grinning more than the chesire cat. Rich sighed, his pout turning into a glare. Michael made a little 'aww' and took more pictures, finally putting the phone down. "The glare ith what getth you to kith me?!" Rich asked, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"Oh, no not at all actually. I was getting hungry--mmph!"

Michael was pinned to his bed by his short, angry boyfriend. Rich was pinning him with one hand, the other gripping Michael's side, the one weak spot Rich knew. Michael squirmed slightly, trying to get Rich away from the spot. The spot wasn't pleasurable, it just kept Michael in place; he couldn't actually move once Rich grabbed that spot and they both knew it. Rich found this out when he grabbed his side as a joke and Michael stopped moving, telling Rich it was basically like grabbing him by the hair. Rich used this whenever he wanted to keep Michael in place. Michael wasn't really complaining, he liked the more dominant side of Rich; they actually discussed Michael liked him like this, so Rich didn't feel that guilty about it. Rich finally pulled away, both boys gasping for air. "There, I'm thatithfied."

"Richard, baby? I can't really move when you keep gripping me like this."

"I know babe, I like you thtuck like thith."

"God you're so hot."

"You're tho weird, why do you like me dominant?"

"Because you're so small and it's really nice--okay babe don't grip my side too tight now it's painful." Michael whined. 

"I'm thorry I jutht really really love theeing you pinned." Rich let go, taking of the glasses and placing them on Michael again. "There'th my handthome man, glatheth and all. I really, really, really love you in your glatheth! I don't want you wear contactth ever, underthtand me Michael?! Never wear contactth!"

"I won't, now let's grab some breakfast Baby Boy."

"You jutht want me to have a daddy kink."

"No I don't."

"You have a daddy kink!" Rich clapped his hands together. "Oh my god you have a daddy kink!"

"I don't have a daddy kink!" Michael hissed back.

"I want breakfatht." Rich said, pulling Michael's hand.

"Okay, okay. Let's get you some eggs and pancakes." Michael kissed Rich's hand.

"Thankth Daddy--"

"Never. Call. Me. That. Again."

"You hate it that much?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll thtop."

"Diner?"

"Diner. Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you like me?"

Michael looked at his short boyfriend, eyes wide. "Isn't it obvious? It's because you're so small and nice--"

"I'm not nithe. That'th the thing Michael!" Rich gestured to himself. "I'm five feet of bully!"

"Richard, look at me." Michael waited for Rich to look in his eyes. "I love you for everything you do. I love you when you pick fights, I love you when you would trip Jeremy in the cafeteria, I love you when you act like you hate the color pink but the only reason you dyed your hair red was to have it fade into pink! I love you so much, I love your freckles, that you're so submissive but you're a power sub! You're so dominant while being submissive Richard! I love that you check on Jake and I when you think we're asleep, that you tell me to eat with forks when I use my hands for everything, that you're you. I like you for you, there's no real reason Richard. I simply like you, I want you anyway you are, anything you dish out."

"I love you too." Rich whispered.

"Now let's get a milkshake."

"Yeth!"

* * *

"Michael?"

"Yes Jake?"

"Can, um. . ."

"Yes?"

"Well, I-I wanted to know, um. . ."

"Dillinger spit it out."

"Teach me video games?"

Michael stared hard at Jake, standing up and grabbing a remote. The plus side of moving into the guest room with all their beds was the fact there were TVs and systems in it. Rich was gone that weekend, he was out with Jenna on spa weekend. They were traveling in her car around New Jersey to the best spas they could find, like the nerds they were. Jake grew nervous, maybe he wasn't cool enough for Michael. Maybe Michael was going to laugh at him for this, maybe he wasn't as great as he pretended to be. Jake was almost going to laugh it off until a controller was thrusted in front of him, Michael holding one himself. "Dillinger you will regret your whole life now that you asked me to be your teacher, we're not stopping until you and I get passed level nine of Apocalypse of the Damned." Michael grabbed Jake's hands, grinning. "You will never escape me now, you'll join me in AOTD hell."

"Didn't it take you and Jeremy a year to beat it?!" Jake didn't think he could do this.

"Two actually, no backing out now Jake. Come on, I'll teach you the basics!"

Jake fumbled with the controls for a bit, trying to keep up with Michael's experience. "Hey, did you ever get shit for playing games when people thought you were a girl? Is. . .Is that not appropriate? I'm sorry Michael--"

"Hey, calm down." Michael paused the game, looking at Jake. Jake looked really nervous, biting his lip. "Jake, you okay?"

"I bullied you so much, why do you tolerate me?" Jake asked, looking away. "I still bully you, I still call you a loser--"

"In a lovable way."

"--I still treat you like you're lesser than me--"

"I am."

"--I don't tell you how much you mean to me!"

Michael smiled sheepishly. "I used to get teased a lot for playing video games, but there was once a boy who protected me when Jeremy was at the nurse's. I didn't know him well, he just fell on my lap while playing dodgeball once, not really my friend. One time Jeremy was out sick and I wore my awesome AOTD shirt and a fluffy skirt and some girl came up and said I was ugly. She said I couldn't like boy things, only boys play video games. The kid who fell on me walked up and told the girl if she was as cute as me she wouldn't need to wear designer clothes everyday. He started talking to me about sports, which I knew nothing about, and taught me how to kick a kickball. He taught me how to swing a bat too, he taught me so much Jake. I was dating Jeremy at the time, but somewhere deep down inside I knew my heart belonged to Jake Dillinger, my savior and peer."

"Michael. . ." Jake trailed off as he looked in Michael's eyes.

"Don't question why I am with you Jake, don't you ever question that. I'm with you because I want to be, because I need to be." Michael kissed Jake's cheek. "Now, you jump with this button--"

* * *

"Okay, tho it'th today right?"

"Yes Richie, you have the food?"

"I do, Michael ith going to have the betht thtart of a period ever."

"Richie--"

"I want him happy dammit!"

"Okay."

"I altho brought a fork."

"Why?"

"He eatth with hith handth! I---NO!"

Both boys were at their house, waiting for Michael to get home. They had loads of food, it was for Michael so he'd be as happy as he could be when he hated his body. Jake and Rich had been memorizing his schedules so they could do something like this. They heard the door open and slam shut, meaning they were right. Rich quickly set the food all out in their room, a picnic cloth on the floor with food on top. Michael walked in the room, looking exhausted. "Hi you two--oh, is. . . is this for me?"

"Mmhm!" Rich nodded. 

"You take care of us, so we wanted to return the favor." Jake said, gesturing to everything. 

"I don't deserve you two." Michael whispered before wrapping them both in a hug. "God I love you two."

"Love you two, too." Rich whispered. 

"I love you two, too." Jake kissed both of their heads.

It was quite a trio.

 

 

 


End file.
